by Kavita Battula, VPG Contributor
I am inspired by people who experience life without hesitation or pause, those who embody the proverb “leap and the net will appear.” On occasion, I am that person. But mostly, I’m the person holding onto a floatation device in the pool.
Yes, growth usually happens outside our comfort zone. I’m an advocate of exploring the unfamiliar in a way that feels accessible. Jumping out of planes isn’t for everyone. If you are judging yourself for your fear, give yourself a break. Your nervous system – which includes your brain – is doing its job of keeping you safe.
Is there something in your life that you want to participate in but feel held back by fear? A co-worker of mine took an improv class to improve her speaking skills. That takes guts, and I admire her for it, but to me, that sounds moderately terrifying.
I think it is important to understand the distinction between an environment that is supportive of growth and one that is traumatic and to appreciate that the same environment can create either result in different people. This does not mean that one person is more “evolved” or more courageous than the other, but it might mean that each person is having a different nervous system response.
For anyone experiencing fear and/or anxiety at the prospect of a certain action or situation, the next step might be exploring what we can do to help ourselves feel safe. If there is something that we want to reach for, yet the path feels laden with alligators and snakes, can we build a vessel that will allow us to travel that distance?
I believe we can, and I believe it starts with self-acceptance. We can’t berate ourselves into growth; blame and shame have no seat at this table. Understanding that we are afraid for a legitimate reason (wiring) and that we can take baby steps towards the unfamiliar (new neural pathways) may give us the courage to expand – breath by breath, baby step by baby step. Yes, I may be wearing floaties in the pool, but that’s a win because I’m IN the pool.
I’ve long been afraid of the water. It took practice and even failed attempts, but I finally made it to the clear blue sea to swim with the fish and the turtles. Yes, I felt clunky and awkward, but wow, to have conquered my fear of the water…it’s one of the greatest lessons of my life. I think that most of us feel clunky and awkward and that the cure isn’t striving to be more elegant; it’s striving to allow the feeling of clunky and awkward to become more familiar. What’s familiar feels safe. And feeling safe means we can explore.
Honoring our needs lays the path for growth. Be kind to yourself, friends, and magic will happen.
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